How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
