no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
