worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
