I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize