I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
