Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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