happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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