Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
