My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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