Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
