i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just gift wrapped bread.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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