escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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