Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
