2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
