I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
