you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
