I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
