just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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