I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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