Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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