I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
