It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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