Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
