How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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