Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why do cheetos always look like penises
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
