so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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