Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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