Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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