I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize