I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
