if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
