you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize