wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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