Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
