My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
