capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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