it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
