I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
