Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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