he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
