people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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