You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
