Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize