I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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