living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
