it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize