apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
