so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
