I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
