if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize