Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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