he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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