But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
