were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
