First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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