Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
