My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
