Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
