from now on my penis is your penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize