false alarm. still invincible.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
