Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
