My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
