And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
