dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
