I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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