This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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