i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
