her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
