What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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