i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
