I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
