dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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