so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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