Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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