I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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