Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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