I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
