she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize