it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
