I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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