he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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