So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She even gives head with a lisp.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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