So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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