Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
