I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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