Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
