I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
