your room smells of hookers.
And success
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize