did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
