Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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