his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
