I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
