A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
