did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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