Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
