This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
