I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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