Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
