Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
