but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
