Whod you bang
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
