You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize