our cab driver is having phone sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
