I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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