That's intense
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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