I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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