so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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