R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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