I just saw a hot homeless man
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
