How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
