I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
