Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
