i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
