he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
