i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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