Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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