I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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