I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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