All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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