he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
