I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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