May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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