Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
